What lies ahead

My demons are inside my genes.
With age, they will grow even worse.
My family has suicides –
The quickest way to beat the curse.

You know I’ve tried it more than once.
You know I’ve vowed I won’t again.
You know I’m now responsible
To keep my loved ones safe and sane.

The more I live, the worse I am.
My demons stretch me thread by thread.
I’m managing the best I can,
But there are many years ahead.

I won’t remain the wit you love.
My meds will dull me nice and slow.
You asked me what I fear the most:
I don’t have that much time to go.

I feel my mind is breaking out.
My genius will leave me soon.
I have to write my poetry.
I have to write it night and noon.

It means I’ll give my sanest years
To make my best art every day.
And you will have me at my worst
Around the time I start to grey.

If what I’ve seen is what will be –
How hard it is on ones who nurse –
You’ll suffer even more than me
The brunt of this genetic curse.

My madness will be unfettered.
I’ll throw at you my every pain.
Regardless of how pure your love,
The beast will not be prince again.

And so, I have my last request.
Before you choose me, think at least,
In future, will you have the love
To kiss the beauty in the beast?

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