Urggh

I’m still only a pampered kid.
I throw a tantrum when I can’t
Arise to challenges I face
Or wrap my head around my fate.
Amor fati, I say and write.
Amor fati, I don’t enact.
I was not present when today
I was the most relied upon.
I still keep thinking, “Why me, why?”
I still keep complaining a lot.
Is this not complaining as well?
Is this the clarity I sought?