Month: November 2022

He doesn’t understand the stakes.
He doesn’t have the strength it takes.
The boy inside is yet to grow.
He hopes I will forgive him, though.

He hides from any worthy grind.
The world will leave him soon behind.
The boy inside is still too slow.
He hopes I will forgive him, though.

He throws a tantrum everyday
I try to work the normal way.
The boy inside rebels, you know.
He hopes I will forgive him, though.

He doesn’t know it’s me who’s wrong.
It’s me who should be fast and strong.
The boy inside is why we glow.
He hopes I will forgive him, though.

They said he wiped their savings out.
At first, the complicated birth.
Then weeks in natal ICU.
Then months of costly jabs and drugs.
And years of weekly check-up fees.
And finally, at eight years old,
The surgeon’s words were hard to miss:
“I’m sorry. Too much blood was lost.”

It wasn’t his “defective genes”.
It wasn’t his “retardedness”.
It wasn’t anything they feared.
He simply fell into a well.

His grimace takes the pleasant curve
Of quarter-monthly crescent lunes,
Revealing umbric gums eclipsed
By quarter-hourly tablespoons.

He’s grumbling still and overcast:
Cumulonimbus mannequin.
He’s twitching to dendritic itch
Throughout his vertisolic skin.

He’s moving earth and heaven with
Ulyssesean fixity
To strive, to seek, to find his drip
Of intravenous liberty.

We envy those who come and go.
A day. Or two. At max, a week.
And then away. Renewed or healed.
Or sometimes not with what they seek.

Regardless of their outcomes, they,
At least, are not uncertain now.
The rest of us just tap our thumbs
To WhatsApp all day: why and how.

We envy them their discharge forms.
We envy them their family.
We envy them. We envy them.
We envy them. But happily.

A Fuzzy’s trying to chew his knot.
The sun is stinging through his fur.
He’s panting – he has barked a lot –
But no one’s moved enough to stir.

A nurse had checked his collar tag –
Addresses, numbers, anything –
Remarked the tail he couldn’t wag,
And asked the people gathering.

But none at all had seen this Spitz,
As none at all is from this place.
We’ve travelled here with crying kids
And loved ones in their dying days.

Perhaps, like us, he has demands.
Perhaps, his loved one’s dying too.
Perhaps, like us, he’ll understand
There isn’t much for him to do.

Exhausted by the end of day.
Two jobs too many. Anyway.
No space to think in metaphors.
Declarative, my lines of verse.
I’ve miles to go, but I will sleep.
Tomorrow, I will plumb the deep.

I haven’t even started yet.
My confidence is sweating out.
I’ve handled bigger things. And worse.
So, what am I so scared about?

I’m smart enough. I’m strong enough.
I’m quite enough to take this role.
Then, why my echoes laugh at me?
And, why so vacuous my soul?

I’ve learned to breathe. I better do.
I’ve learned to focus. Better do.
I’ve learned to calm the voices down.
I better calm my panic too.

I’ve got this. Nice and easy now.
It’s just a minor change in life.
I’ll flourish in this madness too.
It’s going to be quite alright.

I’ve overcomplicated me:
There’s comfort in my misery.
Instead of dealing with the day,
I freeze, philosophise away,
And then convince me I am wrong.
I’m indecisive all day long.

If “too much” is what I resist,
Solution is a two-do list:
A selfish act for my own good,
A service act I know I should.
By lunchtime, I will finish one.
By dinner, second will be done.

Whatever doesn’t fit the two,
I have to swear I will not do.

Despite eight hundred CIBIL score,
It took convincing – quite a lot –
To get a credit card again.
Was it because I didn’t return
My loved one past their last due date?
And kept defaulting every month?
Perhaps, my credit-worthiness
Is fast diminishing upstairs.

I do not have to stay up late.
But here I am. Unsleepy mess.
My wide awake is full of chill.
I never sleep enough to stress.

My lips and tongue are always burned.
The coffee kills my craziness.
The water keeps my hosing clear.
The green tea calms my guiltiness.

When days are tough, I have my breath.
On easy days, I play some chess.
No matter what the nights are like,
I always have unsleepiness.